♥ / New Divide .

-'- Yay , now I can't call through my own phone .
So cool , love the stupid phone man .
Msn also can't work .
Great . I seriously love my life .
This is some fking shit life .
I can't take it anymore .
What the fk have I done to deserve all this shit ?
I hate my life .
My mother distorts facts to others .
You knw what she says ?
She says that I want a fking new shoe is because my sister changed hers .
Eh fking hell ? I used the fking big shoe for a fking long one year alrdy .
And I just merely wanted a new one cause it's seriously too big .
I tolerated that fking shoe for 1 year ,
And it isn't enough ?
Thanks so much for distorting facts .

One more thing , she says I keep asking pocket money from her even when I don't go to schl .
Yeah lah , you think holiday I don't need to eat ah ?
Eat air is it ? Good lah you .
Next time you don't eat for one whole fking month , see how you survive lah .
I'm a fking student , I don't work .
So where do you think all those fking money come from ?
I saved them with my hard work .
And I'm supposed to spend it all during the holidays on my food ?
Thn you say I'm spendthrift and don't knw how to manage my money .
Yeah , you think I'm not human during holidays .
Thanks .
Love you so much for thinking like that man .

And worse still , I'm a girl , and females all love shopping .
Yeah , like you .
So where does my shopping money come from ?
What do you want me to do ?
Steal ? Rob ? Or you want me to beg ?
Can't you use your damn brain to think ?
I really fking hate you .

You give me horrible childhood ,
Flooded with tuition and all work no play .
You made me zibi , YOU WERE THE ONE .
As in you seriously made me autistic .
You didn't want me to mix with frens I wanted to make .
You only wanted me to mix with top students who were lonely and boring .
Totally doesn't suit my choice of frens .
So naturally , I have no one to talk to .
Being faced with all these fking problems ,
Of course I turn to guys for help and release .
No , not sexual release obviously .
Is just talking , sometimes telling the opposite sex about your problems is easier .
Yeah , and when that happened , I fall into love .
Idiotically , I believed that they could help me solve all my problems .
But actually they can't .

And sometimes , I fall too deeply and can't pull myself out of the damn pit .
Which makes my life more miserable .
So deep until you can't control your own actions ,
And you just blindly do whatever he dictates you to do .
You completely ignore other's opinions or what they think of you .
You forced me to become like that .
Everythg is a result of the way you treat me .

Sometimes I think , maybe it's my fault .
Maybe it's mine .
But I can't find fault in my actions towards you .
You don't even understand me at all .

You always say that you didn't owe me anythg .
Are you sure about that ?
Thn why ? Why give birth to me ?
I hate living life , sufferring under you all the time .
You interfere in every single aspect of my life .
You don't give me the freedom that I'm supposed to have .
Oh yeah , I forgot , maybe I'm not human too .

And the reason why I've been so forgetful lately ?
Due to the stress and pressure I've been facing for so long .
These are finally showing .
Showing that I'm not wonderwoman , I'm not clever .
I don't even belong in that schl .
I can't cope with the stress .

People in neighbourhood schl , they are like so much happier thn me .
Why ? Don't I deserve happiness ? Don't everyone ?
They have everythg they want though they don't work hard for it .
Their parents are still nice to them even if their results ain't good .
So even when I tried my best , do everything properly and try to acheive good results ,
I don't get more thn them , and even get much lesser thn them ?
What bloody reasoning is this ?
I just want a new phone , is it that hard ?
I used that damn phone for a fking 2 years alrdy .

Since you want me to use a phone for at least 2 years ,
Can't you just buy me a phone I like ,
Instead of a $0 phone ?
Those phones don't even suit me , how do you expect me to use them ?
Thanks , really thanks for killing my determination to be happy no matter what .
You always hurt me . You never think . And yes , I hate to admit , but it hurts .
Really does , seeing others happy , and I can't really feel happy .

When I had boyfriends , you stopped me from seeing them .
You killed my happiness again .
When I had them , they were the only ones who could make me happy .
Just by spending time with them could make me happy .
It was as simple as that .
And yet , you want me to leave them .
You want to destroy my happiness .
I can't see why it's wrong to have a boyf if you're really mature enough .
Yeah , I thought I wasn't mature enough ,
Because I didn't knw how to let go fully .
But doesn't it just mean that you really love him ?
And you knw how to love someone ?
Isn't that good ?

Fine , whatever you want , I shall keep away from guys .
Ignore them whenever I can .
Isolate myself from everyone , except studying and staying at home ,
Tasting your horrible cooking .
Hoping that one day I'll just choke and die , is it ?
That's what you want ?
Yeah , I won't go out , I'll just stay at home like a cooped up chicken .
Like in the past where girls couldn't step out of their house for no reason .
So much for living in the past .

I'm going crazy soon , living under these kind of conditions .
I'm a human yet being treated like an animal .
Yeah lah , those who hate me , laugh lah .
Laugh at me for being pathetic .
All's my fault , just blame everythg on me .
Whatever , shall not go on ranting since I have a terrible headache now .
Bye .